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insane: Fat Black Guy: Reflections

Written by nathan on December 11, 2014


Ever since the Fat Black Guy stepped into our lives, we have relived the moment over and over again. A simple thirty-minute conversation brought a lifetime of joy, inspiration, and insight. It was the defining moment of our lives.

We have compiled a list of things that Fat Black Guy taught us. Feel free to browse through the list, and perhaps you will learn something yourself.

1. We NEVER want to be that lonely. Fat Black Guy is the epitome of lonely individuals. After all, he did go to a movie theater ALL BY HIMSELF. Why couldn't anyone come with him? Why did he get the jumbo-sized cola?

2. We NEVER want to be that fat. While Evan may have at one time fit somewhat within the category of fat, Fat Black Guy tops that. He waddled to his van with his jumbo cola, and I had to get out of the way for him. As he climbed into the van, we could see that he was struggling. We offered to rent a forklift, but he declined.

3. We be sixteen. Well, at the time it was true, right? We'll blame the improper use of the verb "be" on ebonics.

4. There is a little club behind Taco Bell. We don't know where this Taco Bell may be, but apparently there is a little club behind it. And it has all sorts of music.

5. Parking lots can be fun. That is, assuming you randomly ask someone about the local nightlife. Be careful, though, because parking lots can also be dangerous. It's not our fault if someone stabs you in a parking lot.

6. Loitering at Wal-Mart is a BAD idea. Since Fat Black Guy knows all, we are going to take his word for it. He told us not to visit Wal-Mart, because we would get arrested for not purchasing anything. Who knows?

7. There is nothing to do in Northern Kentucky. Except, of course, dancing at the country clubs, hip-hop clubs, and that little club behind Taco Bell. Daymn, fool!

We may never know where Fat Black Guy went to, but we are grateful. If you haven't read our investigation about Fat Black Guy, please do so (actually it hasn't been written yet). We also have an article that tributes him for all that he has taught us. Finally, if you know Fat Black Guy, or you are Fat Black Guy, please drop us a line. We would like to finish the story.